Have you ever struggled with insecurity?

I do!  All the time!

It was great spending time with my family this past weekend.  There was one particular interaction I wanted to share about.

I love my family so much and I love that they bring out the best in me.  Many times though, I go back to being a kid.  I long to please my parents and live up to their expectations.  The slight feeling of perceived disappointed really hurts me.  My dad, who loves being up to date on what’s happening around the world and really enjoys politics, asked me if I knew about a recent television entertainer who made a racist comment.   I told him that I didn’t know and hadn’t heard about it.  He said, “That’s because you don’t watch the news.” I sensed that I had “failed” and hadn’t met “his standards.” It’s hard for me to hide what I’m feeling and I’m sure he saw the defeat, insecurity and anger I felt.  A few minutes later I felt my dad kneeling down close to me (as I was sitting on the floor playing with my daughter), to show me the news segment that he had been referring to, which he found on you-tube.

At that moment, I realized that he was looking to connect with me.  He wanted to know how I felt about this incident and what I thought about it.  He wanted to hear my views, my concerns, my worries, my feelings, my thoughts.  I was so focused on whether or not I met his standards and expectations that I missed the point.  I missed such a great opportunity to connect with him, to ask him questions about what he thought and how he felt.  My dad just wanted to search me, my thoughts, my heart and my mind but I was so focused on the wrong things.  My insecurities threatened to put a wedge between me and my dad, but I’m grateful that he pushed passed that.

I do this often in my own relationship with God.  I walk around feeling like I’ve disappointed God and that He’s looking at me shaking his finger for every way I fall short.  But this is so far from what’s true.  Like my dad, He wants me to come to Him, to connect with Him.  He wants to hear my worries, my thoughts, my desires, my concerns, my point of view, my hurts, my pain, my victories and dreams.  He wants me to take any and every opportunity to just come to Him and connect with Him, because He loves me so much.

Psalm 139

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

 My reaction to my interaction with my dad reminded me of the kind of reaction I so often have with God.  I so easily forget that He loves me.  He actually searched me, my heart, my mind, my being.  He has relentlessly pursued me with such a passionate love.  He knows me so well and loves me so much.  I can easily forget this very important truth.   God made me in my mother’s womb.  He took the time to think of whom he wanted me to be.  I’m His creation.  God was the first to see me, He saw my unformed body.  I’m so very special to Him.

The following scriptures remind me of this truth:

Psalm 86:15  But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

 Zeph 3:17 The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

In the moment…

We’re ecstatic to start this blog and vulnerably share about our lives with you.  Most of the posts will come from me, but often you will hear from my hubby.  We’ll write about a variety of topics that interest us and are relevant to us at this point in our lives.  Our hope is that whatever we share will help us connect with many people around the world.  We hope that through our lives you’ll be able to see how incredibly faithful, loving and good God is.  We realize that a beautiful thing is happening at this very moment, but many times we miss it because we’re so busy focused on “the next thing.” We pray that as we take time to reflect we will become more aware of God, our marriage, ourselves, our family, our parenting, our strengths, our weaknesses, our friendships, our relationships with God, our purpose, our mission, our sin, our surroundings and God’s word.  It’s easy to replace the most important things with the constant distractions we come across on a daily basis.  We welcome you into this journey and we look forward to hearing your stories, reading your comments, laughing together, crying together and learning from one another.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. NIV